YOUR DEEPEST LONGING
I ask you, what do you long for? You tell me you want to find fulfillment in the work you do, to do something meaningful, to express your authentic voice.
I ask you, what do you long for? You tell me you want to find happiness in relationship, to meet your soul mate, and finally feel loved.
I ask you, what do you long for? You tell me you want to know what your true purpose is, how to follow the right path in life, how to make decisions that lead to security and success and satisfaction.
I ask you, what do you long for? You tell me you want to feel good about yourself, to know that you are worthy, to improve the quality of your life, to be at peace.
But I ask again, what do you really long for? What is your deepest longing? What is deeper than anything you can find for the self? For all your seeking, all your longing, all your striving and searching, still revolves around the self. You seek happiness and love and meaning in order to soothe the restlessness of your soul. You seek happiness and love and meaning in the things you do and the things you have in order to avoid meeting yourself at a deeper level. Because it’s only in the depth of you - that most vulnerable and open part, the part you’ve been running away from for millennia - that you will meet the void at the core of restlessness. Because it’s only in the depth of you - that place where self stands at the edge of the abyss of being - that you will come face to face with the deepest discomfort, the terror of non-existence, the possibility that your existence is fleeting and without meaning in the vastness of eternal emptiness.
I ask you, what do you really long for? You tell me you want freedom, to be free of the terror, to be free of the discomfort and the restlessness, to end the suffering.
I ask you, what do you really long for? You tell me you want to know who you really are, beyond the self and its cravings for this and that, beyond the self and its concerns for happiness and love and meaning, beyond the self and its constant longing.
I ask you, what is your deepest longing? And you tell me, to know God.
I say, yes. No more questions. You see, unless you have the courage to unearth your deepest longing, you will not find anything of true worth in this world. Unless you give your full allegiance to the deepest longing, you will keep flapping around on the surface of life and there is no rest in this. Unless you are willing to lose everything that props up your self to follow your deepest longing, unless you are willing to give up the distractive mind and the acquisitive mind and the mind that creates fantasies of future fulfillment, you will never discover the jewel in the depth of you.
Until you truly long to know God - not as a convenient concept or as a trophy for your spiritual self, but as a willingness to die for this knowing - there is no transformation. Until you give yourself to the kingdom of light within - like a moth gives itself to a flame - there is no evolution. Until you surrender yourself to the void, you will wander this earth looking for the savior - in the form of victories, acquisitions, knowledge, gurus, and messiahs - and still remain impoverished in your soul.
Until you ask the right question, you will go on looking for the answer in the wrong place. I ask you again, what is your deepest longing? Go in and in and in and in .. don’t go fishing in the sea of your imagination for something to satisfy your craving. Go in and in and in and in .. and wait for God - the deepest, most innermost, most tender knowing - to invite you to drown in the ocean of being-ness.
Herein lies the real treasure you seek.
** First published May 2019 - DEEPEST LONGING
Wow. What a moving piece of writing. I can resonate so much in looking for answers in the wrong places - particularly in spiritual practices, gurus and teachers - wondering if finally this is the one that is going to help me. But when reading this passage inviting me to really ask deep, deep.....deep within..... what is it I really long for....maybe, just maybe I might find out for myself.