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YOUR BROKENNESS IS HOLY
“What about really dark emotions, like rage and shame and grief?”
First of all, be very honest with yourself. Do you run away from your pain, your shame, your secret rage and private grief? Do you stuff those unwanted feelings into the dark recesses of your belly, cover them over with things to do, things to get, things to eat? Do you turn away from disappointment, rejection, failure, and regret, pretending they don’t visit you in the dark of night? Do you try to fix your fractured heart, shut down your restless mind, stick a band-aid over your emotional wounds, to prevent the dirt and mess of being human from oozing out? Do you turn to spirituality as a salve for all that you think is wrong with you, holding tight to the belief that transcendence will prove your perfection once and for all?
Now, listen very closely. Listen—sweetly and gently—to the deepest knowing in you. Listen to that which is deeper than fear, deeper than discomfort, deeper than shame or trauma or loss. Listen to the visitors who knock on your heart—knocking from the inside. Shame, pain, loneliness, grief, and more—all these are your allies not your foes. They yearn to come in, to be acknowledged, to be accepted, to be loved. For—as emphasized earlier—what is broken is the doorway to gold, what is shattered is the entrance to inconceivable love, what brings you to your knees is not a punishment but God’s invitation.
The purpose of everything in your experience that seems so unwelcome is to reveal to you—not conceptually as a belief, but experientially as a visceral recognition—that your essential nature is prior to all experience. Who you really are is prior to all content—whether the content is ecstatic or terrifying, or anything in between.Who you really are is the open awareness—the space or consciousness—that is always here. But you only get closer to this realization when you stop avoiding the content of your experience.The attempt to avoid meeting what scares you, prevents you from this deeper knowing of your true nature. So, when terror arises, when an intense unbearability arises, know that it is God knocking at the door from the inside—it’s not the devil trying to torment you. It’s not that there’s something terribly wrong, but that something immensely good is unfolding . . . it is God’s invitation from your innermost.
The question is not “How can I get rid of dark emotions?” but “Am I willing to embrace the grit and grace of being human? Am I willing to reject nothing, welcome everything, and surrender into the deepest falling of the open heart?”
Listen closely. Hear it inside you: Your brokenness is holy.
From ‘Falling Open in a World Falling Apart.’ - https://amzn.to/3CduwQa
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