YOU ARE ALREADY HERE
So much time spent running away from where you are. Running towards an imagined future, a life that is better than the one being lived now. A life in which you are fulfilled, happy, at peace. A life which brings you more good things, more special things, more desired things, more recognition, more approval, more comfort, more safety. Somehow you can’t even say what this something more is, it’s just a nagging feeling that there is something more, that somehow it’s not quite enough - whatever it is - right now.
So much energy spent running towards an imagined you, a you that is better than the you that you already are. A you that is more confident, more capable, more successful, more loved, more worthy of good things happening, more comfortable with itself. Somehow you can’t quite put your finger on how exactly you’d be better, but somehow it’s got something to do with being more present, more equanimous, more alive .. more here.
But friend, you are already here.
So much time spent running away from where you are. Running away from a seemingly dark feeling, an unwanted emotion, a painful memory, the discomfort of pain. Running away from an imagined past that threatens to taint you in some way, as if the fact of difficult or traumatic life circumstances that happened can make you any less than perfect now. Running away from standing still and meeting all that runs towards you now, the feelings that have been rejected and avoided and now yearn to come home to the deepest acceptance. Running away from being here in your fullness, in your aliveness, in your presence .. in order to reach a mythical place of perfect safety in which the bittersweet human experience of brokenness and loss and fear are no longer felt.
But friend, you are already here.
If only all that time and energy spent running towards and running away, would be funneled into the fullness of right where you are now. If you could feel - just for a moment - the incredible aliveness of this being-ness. If you could just stop running, stop searching, stop avoiding, stop rejecting .. and just be right where you are.
Right here where you are is where everything you long for really is. The immensity of existence is here. The exquisite richness of life is here. The depth of your innermost being is here. And none of this has anything to do with safety or comfort or success or confidence or worthiness. It has everything to do with the capacity to bear the breadth of the human experience, to stand as tenderness in the face of what hurts, to stop giving your allegiance to an imagined reality and to stay right where you are. To stop chasing an imagination, stop chasing the future, stop avoiding the nagging sense of impermanence that is a part of the changing nature of life, stop looking for certainty because nothing is certain and death is inevitable.
Friend, the answer to all your discomfort, all your conflict, all your fear is in the falling into this moment .. and this moment and this moment. It's a falling into the unknown, because this fullness and this aliveness cannot be known by the mind that likes to create a sense of a perfect life or a perfect self. It's a falling into the mindless place, into the deeper intelligence of life that just takes care of life and doesn't need you to control it. It's the end of running. It's a deep rest. And in this deep rest, you are perfect just as you are.
Friend, for the sake of yourself, for the sake of the world, for the sake of true good-ness and true God-ness .. just stop. Just stop and be right where you are, just bloody be here!
Friend, you are already here.
First published Oct 2019
Love your words, thank you xx
Trying not to move into another strategy of 'mindful deep rest' because I understand it's nothing to do with the mind and what you are pointing to is in fact already here, perhaps under the torrent if thoughts racing down the stream to 'better'. 🧐🤔🥰🙏💙
best reminder! LOVE