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Allen Robins's avatar

"Let yourself be breathed by life. Let the wave carry you. Let the mystery unfold — not according to your will, but according to its own rhythm.

This is deep rest. This is peace."

What a scary and exciting invitation.

But then again, I suppose Life has been breathing me my whole life, and the mystery has been unfolding whether I noticed it or not.

Thanks for the beautiful reminder. 🙏

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Shasheen Shah's avatar

Your post landed deep. Especially this: “To not know is to stop holding on.”

Whew. I felt that.

It’s taken me years — decades really — to even begin to experience not knowing as something other than a threat. For most of my life, I didn’t just seek certainty, I clung to it. Trying to understand, to plan, to get ahead of what might hurt — that wasn’t a personality trait, it was survival. I didn’t know that back then. I just thought I was intense. Overthinking, overpreparing, overeverything.

And I wasn’t aware of the inner fragility underneath it all — just the irritation when plans changed, or the quiet shame of procrastination when I couldn’t bring myself to move forward. There were years where “not knowing” didn’t feel spiritual. It felt like being frozen in place.

Your words helped me remember how far I’ve come. It’s been about 15 years since I lived in that particular kind of freeze, but reading this brought the contrast forward in a good way. There’s a softness now. A compassion toward that part of me that thought certainty was the only way to be safe.

I don’t need it to be different anymore. I can see the intelligence in what once looked like dysfunction. And there’s a real kind of peace in that — not performative peace, but the kind that shows up quietly and says, “You’re okay. You’ve always been okay.”

As I turn 55 this week, that feels like the deeper knowing:

That I don’t have to know.

That I can live with the mystery.

That I’ve got me.

Thank you for the beauty and clarity in your writing. It’s more than words. It’s a mirror. A reminder.

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